goodbyes.

This week I sold my car. My little 2001 Passat that I've had for the last 2 years. Such a silly thing to get emotional over, right? It's a big piece of metal. It had scratches and dings all over it. The poor little thing was falling apart. It frustrated me. It was expensive to maintain. 

But despite all of that, I still loved it. This little car saw me through a million experiences. He was my go-to guy when I needed to get out of Provo and head to Grandma's. He was there when I needed to just drive and sing at the top of my lungs to Alanis Morissette or Taylor Swift. Or Celine Dion. "It's All Coming Back to Me Now" has always been a personal favorite. 

This car saw breakups, good days, bad days, and a million trips to Salt Lake last winter for my internship, among other things. It was a part of my life. 

I'm not a sad, sentimental type, which is why I was a little annoyed with myself when I got back to my apartment after signing it over to its new owner and sat on my couch and cried a little bit. I hate crying. It's just messy! But I did. And the thing was, I knew this car, while good, wasn't great for me. It wasn't as reliable as I would have liked, the gas mileage was crap, etc. So you'd think I would be okay with it, right?

This week involved a few goodbyes for me, and they were both pretty difficult. Letting go of a car is one thing, and it was tough. But this week I also said goodbye to a part of my life that isn't doing me any good, a part that has messed with my head for a little while. This part wasn't letting me progress and left me feeling pretty small. Saying goodbye to a person is even harder than saying goodbye to a car, but sometimes it has to happen. And while cutting a person out has been harder than I thought it would be, it's done a lot of good. It's made me see that there are other people in the world who will be genuine and honest with me.

When you sell a car, it usually happens that you buy a newer one, a better one. That's the case for me. I replaced my somewhat unreliable Passat with a better, cleaner, more trustworthy new car. As I was thinking about it, the same thing happens with people. Eventually a new one will come into your life that will treat you how you want. The new one has things you're looking for that work better for you. There aren't any frustrations or inconsistencies. Is this a silly analogy? Maybe. But just bear with me for a few more seconds.

Saying goodbye is hard. But saying goodbye to something and allowing something different to come into your life, while still hard, is better. It just takes some time to see it. So while I still miss the things I let go of this week, the confusion has been replaced with surety, and the gas is cheaper. ;)

Man, I should write a Taylor Swift song.