We're about to get a little personal here, folks. Ready, steady...go.
Have you ever wanted something pretty badly, and it seemed like everyone else around you was getting it, but you were looked over? I'd like to see a show of hands, please. You can't see it, but mine's raised. Like most people, one day I'd like to get married and have a family. That's not so weird, right? I'm not one of those BYU girls you hear about who goes to college only to meet someone and get married, I promise. I wanted to go to college because earning a degree was important to me, and nothing was going to get in the way of that goal. But in high school, I definitely saw myself leaving BYU with a degree and a dude. Being a wife and a mother is SO important to me, and I thought it would happen for me sooner rather than later. But, in the last five years, I've learned that sometimes our lives don't pan out the way we plan. Which was tough for me to accept, because I'm a planner.
So fast forward to when, about a year or so ago, I started reading a few blogs of friends of mine or friends of friends who were married, some with kiddos. As excited as I was to read about their adventures, I started to feel very unexcited about my own. I wasn't waking up every morning to the sticky face of a toddler, or working to support a husband, or decorating my very own place. I felt like my life wasn't measuring up in comparison to these girls. They had it made, and I didn't. My life just didn't seem to have the excitement theirs did. I noticed that I grew jealous and then annoyed with myself because I let myself get jealous.
So a few weeks ago, I did something about it. Feeling this way was sucking the happiness right out of my life, and I didn't like that. I've had quite a few people tell me in the past that they admire my optimism, and I didn't want to lose that about me. So I cut the blogs off. I reminded myself that, while the lives of these little families seemed to be perfect in the blogosphere, no one's lives are perfect. But I couldn't allow myself to want so badly what they have right now, because I know it's coming for me. I know that. My timing is just a little different than theirs.
While I still have some struggles to work through, I've learned that my life is good. It is oh, so good. I have so many things to be grateful for, and so many things to look forward to. And with graduation behind me, my world has opened up.
There seems to be an overabundance of mommy bloggers today, and I really do love a lot of them (Nat the Fat Rat, C. Jane Kendrick, and the Nie Nie Dialogues are some of my favorites. Not only can they write well, they don't try to make life look perfect, which I admire). But is there a network of people like me that I'm missing out on? If not, let's start one, shall we? Because our lives, while maybe not exactly what we want them to be, are still so good, so worthwhile, and so important.
Now that this heavy post is over, do what I did and eat a cupcake.