octoberfest.

How is October here already? I don't remember 2012 going by so fast, but it did and there's not much I can do about it. My sister tells me that's a tell-tale sign that I'm getting old. Apparently 23 is the new 60.

September was an interesting month for me. It wasn't horrible, but it just didn't do it for me this year. Normally September is my month. I am the Queen Bee of new beginnings, of setting and keeping goals, and usually that's what this month brings. But I ended up spending most of the month feeling lost in the shuffle. I didn't get that "new" feeling that comes with this month. I spent most of it feeling discouraged because things I wanted so badly to happen didn't. My car hasn't sold. Things have fallen through. People I had so much hope in disappointed me. It just wasn't what I wanted it to be. My mom calls it "peaks and valleys." Sometimes we're on top of the world, and other times we sink to the bottom. I found myself shaking my fist at the sky a few times. Why me? Haven't I had enough to deal with lately? This valley is not where I want to be spending my September.

Which is why I'm so glad that there are Octobers. I spent the last week of this month feeling a little bit lost. What am I doing here? Am I doing what I should be doing? What am I not doing that I should be, and vice versa? It's a lot for one little mind to take on! And then last night I had a revelation. We watched the General Relief Society Broadcast (which was fantastic, BTW), and each and every single talk was about feeling lonely and overcoming it through serving others. 

Have you ever been struck by lightning? I haven't, but I imagine what I felt was somewhat like that. What the heck have I been doing for others this month? When I had a bad day, I didn't take cookies to someone else, I bought myself a new pair of shoes. When someone decided they didn't want my car, I cried a little, but didn't let someone else cry on my shoulder. I was so focused on me me me in September and not on my neighbor. 

So today I decided that, as we shuffle into October, I am going to come last. This month won't be about me. It won't be about what I want and what I need. It's going to be about the girl in my Relief Society who needs a big hug or the guy who needs a listening ear. It's going to be about being aware of others and their needs, not mine. I started focusing on those things today, and I can already feel a difference. My problems, while not totally gone, have entered my mind less frequently.

This is going to be an experiment. And I'm pretty confident it's going to work. As I step out of my problems and into helping others with theirs, mine will seem smaller, and October will be a much better month for me. I'll keep y'all updated.