2.25.2014

glimpses.


Hello, hi, I'm here! I know I need to make my blogging more consistent — every day I have post ideas, but I never take the time to actually sit down and write them out. And I sure miss it. Typing is therapeutic for me, writing helps me clear my head and somehow make sense of the random thoughts and ideas I have skipping around up there. So here I am, not quite sure where to start, but knowing that I want to, and for the sake of my sanity, probably need to. :) 

I'm going to be brutally honest, while I'm loving my life out here in the Bay, for the last few weeks I've been a little scared. Everything has just been so easy — finding housing out here, making friends, it's all just clicked. And I haven't had "easy" in a while. I know you probably think I'm crazy for quitting a job I enjoyed and making a random move to a new place without a new one lined up, and that's fine. But the best way to explain why is because I just needed to, for me. Fresh start, clean slate, clear eyes, full hearts, and all of that. I had a friend out here tell me he thinks I'm brave for making such a big leap, and whether it's bravery or not, it feels good to know that I've done something for myself, something that maybe did take some courage. 

But back to being scared. I've had a job since I was 16. And all of a sudden, not having one has been like a big shock to my system. I knew I'd enjoy the break for a while, but trust me, binging on Netflix gets old quickly {although now I do have some great TV and movie recommendations, so get at me for those!}. I've been frustrated that, for the last month or so, a job hasn't been on the horizon. I've been frustrated that, after making my resumé the best I think it can be, no one has been willing to give me a chance. I'm sure I don't need to tell you that rejection sucks. This past week I've been doing a lot of thinking, and I think I came up with the reason why I feel like I keep getting put into the "reject" pile. Since I decided to make the move out here, everything fell into place for me, like I said. My life has been pretty easy. And I fell into this rut and figured that things would continue that way, and somehow a job would fall into my lap. 

Well, it hasn't. 

And it's left me feeling a little angry with myself. So I finally decided this weekend to buckle down and make being employed a priority. Living off of savings only lasts for so long, and just assuming that my life is going to continue to be easy is pretty stupid.

This brings me to the title of this post, "glimpses." I've really been focusing on those today. I'm trying to notice moments that remind me that, even though I'm feeling a little frustrated, I'm still loved, I'm still cared for. I babysit a few times a week for a family here with two little boys, and today as I was putting the youngest one down for a nap, he looked me right in the eyes and said, "hey, I like you." Glimpse. I got an interview today for a job I applied for that I never thought I'd hear back from. Glimpse. I spent time getting to know some new people tonight, and they laughed at my corny jokes. And for the record, they were genuine laughs, not those pity ones. ;) Another glimpse.

I firmly believe that everyone has their own personal relationship with God, and we all communicate with him in different ways. I speak to him when I pray, and he responds to me in these glimpses. It's like he's saying, "Hey. I've got your back. You do your part, and I'll do mine to remind you that I think you're awesome and capable and worth it." 

I'm not sure what the point of this post is, or whether it makes sense to anyone else, but I just needed to write somewhere that I'm recognizing these glimpses, and that I'm learning very quickly that when we go through a stage where life is easy, it doesn't mean we can kick back. I'm sure most of you already know this, but it's a lesson I'm in the process of piecing together. 

So, with this doozy of a post I say, thanks for reading and trying to make sense of what comes out of my head, into the keyboard, and onto this screen. It's good to make this a regular thing again. I'm off to prepare for an interview! :)

2 comments:

  1. Good luck with your interview! I enjoy reading your thoughts! And I would love some good TV show recommendations :) :)

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  2. LOVE this post. And yes, good luck on the interviewing process! You are darling, Alexa!

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