What do you do on a weeknight when you get home from work at midnight but don’t want to go to bed just yet? Oh I know. You take Photobooth pictures of yourself and your new hair (here you go, Mom. I’m almost a blonde). And you create an epic playlist for your upcoming birthday party. And then you might eat some chocolate chip cookies. And as you go to the fridge to get some milk, you realize that Lex, you have NO food. Like none. Which makes for a serious problem. So then, because of your obsession with lists and your inability to go to bed until your whole day is planned out, you make a grocery list. And then you decide maybe you should turn off your Fun. album and put on quieter music instead, which means sweet baby James Taylor.
Is reading this making you tired yet? No? Good, because I have more to say. I would like to know why I’ve been craving a Coke every hour of every day this week. I would also like to know if it’s possible for wrists to lose weight. Because today my watch is too big. WHAT IS GOING ON? Have you ever had one of those weeks where you don’t feel like yourself? Not in a bad way, but just in a…way? This week I’ve done things I don’t really ever do. I’m not sure why. That needs a longer thought process, but I’ll get back to you.
In the meantime, I am just going to state that I don’t get offended very easily. But what do you do when someone says something that you take offensively, and you know they deserve a witty, biting comment dished right back at them, but in the moment you can’t think of what to say? And then, once it’s passed, you have the perfect remark? That happened to me this week, and I wish so badly that I could go back and say that little one-liner, because it was well-deserved. Would I have felt stupid for saying what I wanted to say, or would I have felt relieved knowing that I had delivered a zinger? I don’t know.
I imagine that it would be like the scene in “You’ve Got Mail” where Kathleen tells Joe exactly what she wants to say to him (“You are nothing but a suit”), but then afterward: “I was able, for the first time in my life to say the exact thing I wanted to say at the exact moment I wanted to say it. And of course, afterwards I felt terrible just as you said I would. I was cruel and I’m never cruel.” Would I have felt that way? So do you stay silent? Or do you say something?
I’m all full of questions tonight, but no answers. That must mean it really is bedtime. So…good night, dear void (guys, I can’t help it. I love “You’ve Got Mail” too much and will quote it whenever it applies. Which is all the time).