finding a balance.

A few months ago I wrote about some thoughts on blogging, and I've been having some of those same thoughts again. And when I have thoughts, I have to write about them out. At BYU I minored in Communications, and that opened my eyes to the world of social media. At that point all I really had was Facebook and a little tiny blog, and this was back when the blogging world was still this small, underground thing, with only a handful of really popular blogs. Fashion blogging wasn't quite the concept it is today just yet.

Fast forward a few years, and suddenly you can't get social media out of your face — facebook, twitter, vine, instagram, blogger, foursquare, tinder...it's everywhere. And I completely understand why they pull you in — we live in a society where privacy doesn't exist anymore. It's interesting to know the thoughts swirling through other people's heads, we love knowing that we can connect to famous people through a photo app, it's nice reconnecting with people you haven't talked to since high school over messages. I get it. And I'm not knocking it at all. Quite a few bloggers have helped me figure things out. It's helpful to read about the lives of people who might be having or have had very similar experiences as me.

Here's my issue: at what point do we start using social media in a way that makes us feel inferior, in a way that makes us feel like our lives aren't as fun, aren't as interesting, aren't as wealthy, aren't as creative? That's something I've been struggling with. It's easy to scroll through my Instagram account and think, "Hm. Why doesn't my hair do that? You're, like, ten years younger than me. How are you married? If only I could afford those shoes..." It's a pretty vicious cycle. {We all do this, right? Or is it just me?}

Don't get me wrong, it's fun to blog. I do it because I love to write, I love to throw my thoughts out there, I love connecting with people who feel the same. Developing relationships is something that's always been very important to me. Writing has always been the way I process my life. For some people, it's painting. For some it's music. But at what point does blogging become a competition? I've definitely come across a few of those blogs that try so hard to be a copycat of blog A or blog B. My friend Amanda sent out a tweet the other day saying, "I think when you stop blogging, the world rewards you with either a real writing job or a lot less pressure to make your life interesting." I think there's some truth to that.

I guess what I'm saying is, I wish that there was less of a need to compete through social media. I wish there wasn't a need to make our lives look ridiculously perfect. I've always been drawn to people who don't try to hide the problems, because real life is not perfect, and we all know that. I love reading about the bad days, the challenges, the imperfections. Because it reminds me that we all have those. I think if there was more honesty in the world, there would be fewer feelings of inferiority, of thinking, "Why can't my life be like that?"

I know this is long, and if you've checked out of it, I get it. No worries. Like I said, writing helps me process thoughts. This is just something that's been on my mind for a while. What do we do about it? I'd love to hear thoughts! This post isn't really offering a solution, I'm simply asking the question.

P.S. Hopefully this post doesn't come across as mopey. I promise, I'm happy, life is so, so good. :)

P.P.S. The photo of Marilyn has nothing to do with this post, it's just always been a favorite of mine. That, to me, is what happiness can look like.


  1. You are not alone in thinking that! I always look at others blogs, instagram, etc., and think that mine is so lame or that I will never have anything super exciting to post about. But I've come to realize that the purpose of my blog is to keep family history. In a way it is like a journal and I hope my children will be able to read it and understand my life as a young married person! I've also made it a goal to stop the comparisons. It's so hard not to compare your life with others! But everyone's life is significant and fun in some way or another. This is a super long blog comment I apologize.

  2. Amen, sister. I feel like I'm reevaluating my internet life weekly.

    Blogging made a writer of me. It gave me a place to learn and try, and I love that about it. Now, I get to write for a living, and I love it more than I even thought I could love anything. Pro, right?

    But that comparison and competition is crazy. I get so caught up in it all so quickly. Instagram is the hardest for me (it's not healthy to plan outings and events around grammable moments, I swear). Really, I just have learned to take breaks. Those breaks feel good. It feels great to dress up and go out with friends and have the best time. Even when nobody knows about it. Maybe especially when nobody knows about it.

    This is all to say that if you find the secret, let me know :)

  3. I am in love with this post because I feel the same way! Love it Alexa.

  4. Shout out!! I do think we as a culture spend far too much time online and not enough time just living. See "Cameras" by Matt and Kim for a songified version of this idea. And a really violent music video. haha. It's just not important to share inane details of your life. If you're doing something worth remembering, maybe. But what you had for lunch? New shoes? Probably best kept to yourself, or it looks like you're asking for likes and comments - and are those the new self esteem? Such a myriad of questions are inside this can of worms.

  5. YES! I think I clung to every word of this. I found you through C.Jane's blog. You left a comment on her birthday yesterday, and I found you most relateable to me - young, single, BYU, adult-life-convert. So now I'm reading your whole blog, and I love it.

    Anyway, I totally relate to this. I have found such a hard time having a blog and wanting to be open and honest, because I also believe that if we could all just be more honest, we'd all be more connected. But getting my voice out there makes me feel so vulnerable. So I decided. I am writing for ME. That's it. I love writing. And I love being honest about all the hard things in my life, and also all the silly moments. So I took off my followers and my instagram link and just decided this is my space to feel free as I write. And I really had to delineate from all the other social medias that link together and consume our lives. I deleted facebook and instagram, and I'm just really trying to make 2013 about living authentically.

    That's why I feel so happy right now coming across someone like you, who believes what I believe about being candid and not appearing oh-so-perfect through media forms, but actually LIVING! I'm excited to read more about you. And also, I totally should have gone to that C.Jane forum at the Wilk. I had it on my calendar but work got in the way. I loved reading your post about what you learned. I love anything and everything that has to do with womanhood!

    Sorry, this is ridiculously long. I'm just excited. I'm going to keep reading now :) Thanks for posting this.

    1. That second paragraph though, I felt I should add, that's just what I did though. I love when people have their followers and their links posted because... I usually follow them :)