thoughts on blogging.

We're about to get a little personal here, folks. Ready, steady...go.

Have you ever wanted something pretty badly, and it seemed like everyone else around you was getting it, but you were looked over? I'd like to see a show of hands, please. You can't see it, but mine's raised. Like most people, one day I'd like to get married and have a family. That's not so weird, right? I'm not one of those BYU girls you hear about who goes to college only to meet someone and get married, I promise. I wanted to go to college because earning a degree was important to me, and nothing was going to get in the way of that goal. But in high school, I definitely saw myself leaving BYU with a degree and a dude. Being a wife and a mother is SO important to me, and I thought it would happen for me sooner rather than later. But, in the last five years, I've learned that sometimes our lives don't pan out the way we plan. Which was tough for me to accept, because I'm a planner.

So fast forward to when, about a year or so ago, I started reading a few blogs of friends of mine or friends of friends who were married, some with kiddos. As excited as I was to read about their adventures, I started to feel very unexcited about my own. I wasn't waking up every morning to the sticky face of a toddler, or working to support a husband, or decorating my very own place. I felt like my life wasn't measuring up in comparison to these girls. They had it made, and I didn't. My life just didn't seem to have the excitement theirs did. I noticed that I grew jealous and then annoyed with myself because I let myself get jealous. 

So a few weeks ago, I did something about it. Feeling this way was sucking the happiness right out of my life, and I didn't like that. I've had quite a few people tell me in the past that they admire my optimism, and I didn't want to lose that about me. So I cut the blogs off. I reminded myself that, while the lives of these little families seemed to be perfect in the blogosphere, no one's lives are perfect. But I couldn't allow myself to want so badly what they have right now, because I know it's coming for me. I know that. My timing is just a little different than theirs.

While I still have some struggles to work through, I've learned that my life is good. It is oh, so good. I have so many things to be grateful for, and so many things to look forward to. And with graduation behind me, my world has opened up. 

There seems to be an overabundance of mommy bloggers today, and I really do love a lot of them (Nat the Fat Rat, C. Jane Kendrick, and the Nie Nie Dialogues are some of my favorites. Not only can they write well, they don't try to make life look perfect, which I admire). But is there a network of people like me that I'm missing out on? If not, let's start one, shall we? Because our lives, while maybe not exactly what we want them to be, are still so good, so worthwhile, and so important.    

Now that this heavy post is over, do what I did and eat a cupcake.   

in limbo.

Last week I officially graduated, which was a great experience. Seeing thousands of students walking around campus, taking pictures with their families, gave me a lump in my throat. I never thought the day would come when I would be one of the graduates I saw every year as I was finishing my finals. But my day came, it went, and it made me realize something.

I don't know if I'm ready for my formal education to end just yet.

Yes, I earned my Bachelor's degree, and that's great, and I'm proud of all the hard work I put into my education, but there was something about seeing those Masters students walking around in their black robes and hoods, and it kind of made me want to be one of them.

I've never thought about grad school. I always thought, once I get my English degree, peace out, BYU and college. But I love learning, and I've absolutely loved my experience in school. And every once in a while I still feel like there's more for me to learn. Call me a nerd, call me a geek, whatever. In my Patriarchal blessing I was told specifically to seek out all the learning that I can, and maybe this longing for more education has to do with that. I really don't know. Plus, today I had a killer idea for a Master's thesis in English. It kicks you know what you know where. All I'll say is...it involves '70s rock music and its influence on Americana. Like, even if I don't further my education, I still really want to write this thesis just for kicks. Yep, nerd.

So...I'm still toying with the idea, but ladies and gents, I think I might being going to Graduate School.

the day{s} in which i graduated.

I don't have all the photos yet, because my mom and Whitney have much better cameras than I do, which therefore means better photos. But here's a sneak peak for all of you dying to see what Alexa looks like in those super-flattering caps and gowns. And I know you're dying, because who didn't see enough caps and gowns around BYU this week, right?

coming to an end.

My internship in Salt Lake ended this week, and I'm going to miss it. Here are some of my favorite things from the city:

downton.

I don't think I've ever laughed so hard. Combining my two loves, Jimmy Fallon and Downton Abbey, is the smartest thing anyone has ever done. Enjoy!

little brother.

Dear Devin,

In a week you start your new life as a college student at BYU-I. I'm so proud of you! You've worked so hard to get where you are, and I can't wait to hear about your classes, your plans, and your, dare I say...dates. I'm SO excited when, a little over a year from now, you will get your mission call. I've loved watching you admire Tyler for his missionary service, and I know you've been waiting for so long until it's your turn to go. I'm going to call Asia or Africa, okay?

I remember the day you were born, even though I was only a little kid. You had a rough and scary start getting here, but you hung on and decided that you were going to make it. And since then, you have brought so much laughter, sarcasm, and fun to our family. As the lone blondie, I think we all can say you were the cutest out of the four of us, too.

 Your sense of humor continues to make me smile, although we might need to tone down those "get back in the kitchen" jokes. Someday some girl isn't going to realize you're joking and might slap you across the face. :) But you have the ability to snap anyone out of a bad mood with your humor and your smile, and I appreciate and admire that.

Even though I haven't lived at home during most of your teenage years, I've watched you from good ol' Provo, and I'm so proud of everything that you are. You have been such a loyal friend, even when your friends might not have been as nice as they could have been to you. I'm especially grateful for how you have treated the girls you spend time with. You are so patient, respectful, and kind to them. I admire how you drop whatever you are doing to help someone out. And I'm sorry I sometimes took advantage of that while we were growing up! Provo could use a few more guys like you. The girls you date and the girl you someday marry better realize how lucky they are. You hear that, girls? Because if you don't, I'll remind you.

You have always been such a peacemaker, Devin. When Tyler and I or Whitney and I had arguments, you were always there, even as a toddler, to remind us that fighting takes the happiness out of our home. That ability to bring calm to an environment is something that I hope and pray that you hold on to. It'll serve you well as you start a new life with roommates and eventually mission companions.

I admire the passion and enthusiasm you have for life. When you find something you love, you put your entire soul into it. Devin doesn't do anything half-heartedly.

I'm so excited to see you this Thursday, even though it'll just be for a little while. I wish you could come to my graduation, but you'll have much more fun starting classes instead. I can't believe you're a college student. Stop making me feel so old! I love you, Dev, and I'm so grateful for the example of kindness, strength, and humor that you have been to me. Go knock 'em dead.

Love,
Alexa

And now...for some photos.

a little easter weekend.

Happy late Easter! How was yours?

I had a pretty good one. On Saturday I spent part of the day at the park with music, a Gandolfo's sandwich, and a friend. We fell asleep on the grass, and when we woke up we found ourselves in the middle of an Easter egg hunt. Little kids were whispering and tiptoeing around us. Gosh darn it, it was the cutest thing. 

Yesterday I listened to a beautiful Sacrament Meeting program, went on a lovely little scooter ride in 70 degree weather, and made lamb for dinner. Well...more like slow-cooked it. That crock-pot is my best friend, and I think it's about time I give it a name. Henry? Henry. Then Tyler and I caught up on some Julian Smith videos and snacked our way through a box of Cheez-Its. The Justesens love those things, I tell ya. After, I spent a glorious hour packing up my winter clothes. Peace out, cold! All in all, a pretty good Easter. 

The reason behind why we celebrate Easter stood out to me a lot more this year than in the years previous. I think in the last few years I've come to understand and utilize the Atonement more and more, and I'm so grateful for it. I love my Savior, and it's amazing to feel myself grow closer to Him in the last little while. Singing the different hymns in Church yesterday really humbled me. I owe Him and my Heavenly Father so much. I talked with my dad last night, and he said, "Isn't it interesting that, when something is taken away, something even better for us usually takes its place? That's how much our Savior and Heavenly Father love us."

I came across this Mormon Message a few weeks ago, and it's safe to say it's my current favorite. What an incredible girl, and what an incredible reflection of Christ and the Atonement. After watching this, my trials sure felt a lot smaller.

Here's to a great new week. Mom and Devin come in three days, Dad and Whitney come in 10, graduation is in 10, and California gets here in 18! I'm just a little bit excited.

proud to be a mormon.

This made me giggle.

april brings good things.

April is one of my favorite months, and I'm glad it's here. March was...less exciting than April will be. Here's why:

1. My family will be in town for TWO WEEKS!

2. A shopping trip in Park City with Mama

3. Graduation. Finally. And my family will be here to see it.

4. California and a Coldplay concert with some of these beautiful people, and a few more:

Only 24 more days! (The awesomeness of this picture from our last road trip can only hint as to how much fun California will be.)

5. I'm getting a new car by May 1. Hopefully. Anyone want a Passat? Please? I'll make you cookies.

6. Half-marathon training began today. It's going to kick my trash, because I'm not a runner. But we're doing it.

7. "Titanic" is in theaters again this month, and you can bet I'm seeing it.

8. Easter is on Sunday!

April is the gateway to summer, and hopefully by now we all know how I feel about summer, right? Have a happy Tuesday! I'm off to work.

general conference weekend.

Did you watch General Conference this weekend? It was absolutely wonderful. Talks were given just for me. I always think it’s so amazing how Heavenly Father knows exactly what we need to hear, even if we don’t know it at the time. And! The MTC choir even sang “Lead, Kindly Light.” There may or may not have been a few tears on my end. Saturday was absolutely beautiful, and a nice little summer-esque BBQ topped it off.

I wasn’t planning on going to any of the sessions of Conference since I didn’t have any tickets, but my brother Tyler asked if I’d like to go with him to one of the Sunday sessions and try the stand-by line. We both felt like it would be good for us to go, so we did. What we didn’t realize is that Salt Lake decided to be rainy, windy, and cold just for us. And naturally, we weren’t prepared for it. My umbrella broke, my artfully coiffed ‘do deflated, and poor Tyler was soaking wet. We got in the stand-by line, and thankfully they directed us into the warm, dry Tabernacle. Unfortunately, we didn’t make it into the Conference Center for the morning session because it was full.

Tyler was a bit bummed because he really wanted to go to a session. He wanted to hear Neil L. Andersen speak, because that’s “his” apostle (you know how everyone kind of has that apostle they love the most and whose words mean the most to them? Elder Andersen is Tyler’s) and I felt bad. But sit in the Tabernacle and watch the morning session we did. AND THEN. About halfway through the session, the little boy sitting on my other side handed me a note. I looked at him and his dad, nodded and smiled, and these were placed in my hands:

I have a strong testimony of tender mercies. Even though we might have been in less-than-great moods because we were wet, cold, and defeated, Heavenly Father remembered us. I didn’t have a chance to thank this boy and his father for the tickets because they left right after they handed them over, and they’ll never know how much those tickets meant to us. And Elder Andersen spoke at the afternoon session, so Tyler got to hear him.

 

Sometimes life is hard, and it takes us in directions that we might not want to go in, but we can’t ever forget that we’re loved. We’re loved SO much. I forget that a lot, but General Conference is a great reminder.

 

Happy General Conference Weekend! I hope you all came away as spiritually uplifted as I did.

By the way, the Mormon Tabernacle Choir sang the most beautiful arrangement of “Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing” that I’ve ever heard. I got goosebumps. Listen to it here by clicking on the song title.