new blog!

Hi friends,

I created a new blog! It's called A Field Day, and I started it as a way to document my new life here in the Bay Area. I hope you'll take a look and follow along! Click here to check it out.

glimpses.

Hello, hi, I'm here! I know I need to make my blogging more consistent — every day I have post ideas, but I never take the time to actually sit down and write them out. And I sure miss it. Typing is therapeutic for me, writing helps me clear my head and somehow make sense of the random thoughts and ideas I have skipping around up there. So here I am, not quite sure where to start, but knowing that I want to, and for the sake of my sanity, probably need to. :) 

I'm going to be brutally honest, while I'm loving my life out here in the Bay, for the last few weeks I've been a little scared. Everything has just been so easy — finding housing out here, making friends, it's all just clicked. And I haven't had "easy" in a while. I know you probably think I'm crazy for quitting a job I enjoyed and making a random move to a new place without a new one lined up, and that's fine. But the best way to explain why is because I just needed to, for me. Fresh start, clean slate, clear eyes, full hearts, and all of that. I had a friend out here tell me he thinks I'm brave for making such a big leap, and whether it's bravery or not, it feels good to know that I've done something for myself, something that maybe did take some courage. 

But back to being scared. I've had a job since I was 16. And all of a sudden, not having one has been like a big shock to my system. I knew I'd enjoy the break for a while, but trust me, binging on Netflix gets old quickly {although now I do have some great TV and movie recommendations, so get at me for those!}. I've been frustrated that, for the last month or so, a job hasn't been on the horizon. I've been frustrated that, after making my resumé the best I think it can be, no one has been willing to give me a chance. I'm sure I don't need to tell you that rejection sucks. This past week I've been doing a lot of thinking, and I think I came up with the reason why I feel like I keep getting put into the "reject" pile. Since I decided to make the move out here, everything fell into place for me, like I said. My life has been pretty easy. And I fell into this rut and figured that things would continue that way, and somehow a job would fall into my lap. 

Well, it hasn't. 

And it's left me feeling a little angry with myself. So I finally decided this weekend to buckle down and make being employed a priority. Living off of savings only lasts for so long, and just assuming that my life is going to continue to be easy is pretty stupid.

This brings me to the title of this post, "glimpses." I've really been focusing on those today. I'm trying to notice moments that remind me that, even though I'm feeling a little frustrated, I'm still loved, I'm still cared for. I babysit a few times a week for a family here with two little boys, and today as I was putting the youngest one down for a nap, he looked me right in the eyes and said, "hey, I like you." Glimpse. I got an interview today for a job I applied for that I never thought I'd hear back from. Glimpse. I spent time getting to know some new people tonight, and they laughed at my corny jokes. And for the record, they were genuine laughs, not those pity ones. ;) Another glimpse.

I firmly believe that everyone has their own personal relationship with God, and we all communicate with him in different ways. I speak to him when I pray, and he responds to me in these glimpses. It's like he's saying, "Hey. I've got your back. You do your part, and I'll do mine to remind you that I think you're awesome and capable and worth it." 

I'm not sure what the point of this post is, or whether it makes sense to anyone else, but I just needed to write somewhere that I'm recognizing these glimpses, and that I'm learning very quickly that when we go through a stage where life is easy, it doesn't mean we can kick back. I'm sure most of you already know this, but it's a lesson I'm in the process of piecing together. 

So, with this doozy of a post I say, thanks for reading and trying to make sense of what comes out of my head, into the keyboard, and onto this screen. It's good to make this a regular thing again. I'm off to prepare for an interview! :)

galentine's day.

I promise I've got some actual posts with some actual substance coming soon {this weekend! I promise!}, but since I've been binge-watching "Parks and Rec" over the last week, I think it's appropriate to wish all my female friends a happy Galentine's Day today. What is Galentine's Day?

I've got some amazing women in my life. Whether they're friends, family, or mentors, I'm grateful to all of them for being incredible influences on me. I think it's important to surround yourself with bright, happy, and successful women, and somehow I've gotten lucky and have been able to surround myself with the best of the best. 

So have a great day, and I hope you take some time to...

Also, I just discovered that you can put gifs on a blog, so I'm apologizing in advance.

letting out my inner martha.

So I'm moving into a house! I've mentioned that, right? It's a little exciting. While I've been living at home the past week, I've been planning how i want to decorate my room. It's a pretty daunting task! This will be the first place I've lived in that won't be furnished, so I'm going to have to be a grownup and buy furniture {!!}. Bless the Ikea that is five minutes from my new place, I know I'll be living there.

I've been thinking of going for a white and gold theme. I love white and I love gold, and I think those colors will look great all year round. Here are a few ideas that have been inspiring me lately {all images via Pinterest}:

I'm excited to get this place all up and decorated!

a series of lasts.

Today was my last full day in Provo, so I thought it would be fun to take my overly-packed car and drive around, just to see a few of my favorite spots one more time. You know, "this is that place I had my car repaired after my accident." "This is where I ate dinner on that really awkward date." "This is were I had that great conversation with an old friend." "This is where I had my first job." But I also realized that today was a series of lasts. This is the last time I'll eat at this place, this is my last day of work, this is the last time I'll see these people. And it's really sad! I never thought I'd say it, but Provo really was my home for the last few years. It's where my life has been, where my people have been, where many of the most important things in my life have been.

This series of lasts had my heart breaking a little bit as I drove down the familiar University Avenue, and as I crossed over Bulldog and State Street. "Hey! That's the DI where I bought WAY too many bad 80s clothes and ugly Christmas sweaters." I know I've complained about this place a lot, as many college students do, and I know that leaving is the right thing for me, but it's still tough to say goodbye. As a big book nerd, I love chapters {true fact: I once wrote an English essay on the symbolism and significance of chapters}. I love the plot twists, the cliff hangers, the changes that the end of each chapter brings. I don't know if my Provo/BYU chapter ends on a cliffhanger. I think it ends on a good note. It was a chapter that had some ups and downs, a few big plot twists, and some changes, but I feel like it's ending with everything tied together. No loose ends. Sometimes those aren't the most exciting chapters, but for me it was definitely one that caused me to learn a lot. I mean a lot. I went from an immature, unexperienced 18 year old to a somewhat {hopefully} more mature, somewhat more experienced 24 year old, and for me, that's enough. If I had to title this chapter, I think I would call it "Holy Ground." {NOT to be confused with the Taylor Swift song, that phrase has been around much longer than she has}. It really was for me.

As I was thinking about all these "lasts," I realized that, on that highway ahead of me, I'll have some "firsts." One of my favorite things about babies is watching them experience "firsts." A first step, a first smile, a first laugh. I think we forget that as we grow older, we still have those. And that's the one thing that's really keeping me from breaking down with this move. Along with these "lasts," I have some "firsts" to look forward to. My first day at my new job out there, first time meeting new people, etc. And that's something exciting to look forward to. If I have to name this new chapter, I think I'll steal my sister's word for the year and call it "Onward."

So this whole thing is a little scary, and a lot exciting. As an old chapter closed today, a new one opens tomorrow, and I can't wait to see the plot twists that it holds for me.

As always, thanks for reading.

trust.

So, I'm moving to California in 4 days. 4 days! I'm at that point where I'm freaking out just a little, but in a good way. It's more of an excited freaking out instead of a nervous one. To be honest, I haven't been really nervous about this move, which I take as a good sign. Ever since I made the decision to go, I've felt very peaceful. I'm even pretty proud of my packing skills, I've thrown out everything I don't use anymore, and let me tell you that getting rid of junk is one of the best feelings in the world.

Last year, at the start of 2013, I chose a word that I wanted to focus on. That word was "calm." I wanted to have more of it, be more of it, and recognize more of it. And I'm happy to say that, while I wasn't perfect with it, I think I was pretty successful. Whenever I'd have some sort of freak-out, I tried my darndest to focus and relax. And you know what? It works. 

This year, for 2014, my new word is "trust." I'm going to be completely honest when I say that 2013 gave me quite a bruising in the relationships area, both in dating and friendships. I know everyone goes through things like that, but for some reason in 2013 I lost a lot of confidence in people, and because of that, I lost confidence in myself. I noticed that I became very distrustful of people, because past experiences convinced me that everyone was going to let me down. It was rough. 

But now that it's 2014 {happy New Year, by the way!}, my goal is to really trust others, to lose the pessimism I was holding onto. Not everyone wants me to fail, not everyone wants to hurt me. I just need to find those people. :) And most importantly, I need to trust myself. I'm a little terrified about new jobs and new experiences when I move, and I'm nervous that I'm not going to trust that I can do hard things. But I need to. I need to trust that I'm capable of doing amazing things, just like we all are. I need to trust that other people want to help me, and I need to trust that God is on my side. 

So here's to you, 2014. You good looking year, you! I have a feeling that you're going to rock. While 2013 does hold some special memories, I'm glad that it's over. And I'm excited to see what's in store for all of us this year. What are some of your goals? I'd love to hear them!

Read about my 2013 word here. 

in review: 2013.

Oh man. When it comes to New Years I'm the sappiest of the saps. I might as well have the word "nostalgic" written across my forehead because, during the week between Christmas and New Years, I tend to do a lot of reminiscing. I reflect on the good stuff, the hard stuff, the things I did well, the things I can improve on in the next year, etc. But a whole post about that is coming tomorrow. Today is all about happy memories!

So without further ado, and before I burst into tears about another year ending, here are my top ten moments of 2013:

10. Visiting Denver and Breckenridge, Colorado. What a beautiful state! Denver pretty much captured my heart in a way only a few cities have. And I spent the trip with the best people, so, bonus.

9. My birthday weekend was superb. You only have one golden birthday in your life, so I decided to go all out on mine. Even if that meant sending my roommate to the hospital. 

8. General Conference weekend with my family. In April we all got together to take Devin mission shopping and attend General Conference. It was one of the last times we'd all be together for two years, and it was just a good, good weekend. 

7. John FA-REAKING Mayer. This had been my dreamiest dream, to see him in concert, in my favorite place in the world {who knew that 5 months from then I'd be moving there?}.

6. Going cabining. I love cabins, and I love the Hansens' cabin. S'mores, footie pajamas, and gorgeous nature walks. It was a good weekend.

5. Giving Robin Sparkles a run for her money. This was probably the most serious I'd ever been about having an epic Halloween costume, and I think it paid off. 

4. San Francisco. Guys, two weeks and I'll be living there!!!!! I can never get enough of this city. 

3. A weekend outside. Hiking Timp was one of the most physically challenging things I've ever done, but the payoff was so worth it. Will I hike it again? No. 

2. Christmas with my family. Maybe I'm still feeling the post-Christmas blues, but last week was a good one. 

1. Saying "sayonara" to Elder Justesen. That was a hard day! But to see how he's changed and grown up have been worth it. 

Thanks for the memories, 2013.

See 2012 in review here.